There was panic in the House of Commons today, as the wifi router serving the chamber exploded. After a small investigation, it was discovered that the time of explosion almost directly matched the point at which the Rt Hon Pretend Important Person Nick Clegg got up to speak. Detailed surveying of the Commons CCTV showed that almost as soon as his mouth opened, everyone in the chamber got out their smartphones and started either playing Fruit Ninja or looking up pictures of cute cats on the internet. The sudden and huge surge in internet usage caused the explosion of the router.
Nick Clegg has now been expelled from the House indefinitely while more routers are installed, and Ed Miliband is being monitored to ensure he does not cause a similar blow-out. Although the monitors had difficulty remembering who Ed Miliband actually is, with the help of a kind Labour aide they eventually found him and managed to dissuade him from speaking with a packet of Werther's Originals.
The House of Commons spokesperson said the internet "should be up and running again soon" and that it was an "urgent wake up call " for MPs to "stop being so bloody tedious".
Nick Clegg has now been expelled from the House indefinitely while more routers are installed, and Ed Miliband is being monitored to ensure he does not cause a similar blow-out. Although the monitors had difficulty remembering who Ed Miliband actually is, with the help of a kind Labour aide they eventually found him and managed to dissuade him from speaking with a packet of Werther's Originals.
The House of Commons spokesperson said the internet "should be up and running again soon" and that it was an "urgent wake up call " for MPs to "stop being so bloody tedious".
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